I don't really know how to eat a carrot.
I've read books about carrots.
I've bought every single belonging of mine in carrot orange.
I can eat the green veggie part of a carrot.
Theoretically I should be able to eat a carrot using the tried-and-true method of "putting it in your mouth, taking a bite, chewing and then swallowing".
But I don't really know how to eat a carrot.

I have read books on eating etiquette.

No luck.

I have read books SPECIFICALLY on carrot-eating etiquette.

No dice.

I can never eat a carrot.
I will never be able to eat a carrot.
Carrots are a delicacy completely out of my reach.
...
...

I must make a choice:

> Kill yourself.

> Eat a carrot.

> Be fine with the lack of carrots in your life.

> Jerk off to carrot porn.